does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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