What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
