Will you blow on my dice?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
