She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
