so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
