ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
