but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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