Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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