Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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