So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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