Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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