I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
