I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
