Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
