I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
