i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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