Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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