Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
