remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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