I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's blow job season.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry about my life...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize