my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
