It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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