I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
