you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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