Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
