bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize