When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
