You're so nebulous sometimes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
