My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
