i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
