I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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