She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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