Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
