I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
