You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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