We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize