it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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