i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
