The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
