I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
