Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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