Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
