I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
