Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
