Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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