Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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