I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
