Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
