His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize