how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
