Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
