Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
