Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
