After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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