some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
