Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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