The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
