Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize