Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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