Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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