Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
