I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
