Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
