Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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