sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
