Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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